So today was Mother's day right and I don't usually celebrate this day. I'm gonna be honest, mother's day, father's day, all these kind of days make me nervous because people are expected to express their feelings these days and I am really bad when it comes to showing my true emotions. One of my biggest problems have been that I feel a lot but I can't say much. I don't know why.
This pretty much summarizes me
Anyway, so this year, my mom specifically asked me to giver her a nice long letter expressing my feelings towards her. She said I can write anything, even if it isn't the nicest things. I didn't want to do that at first. Not because I had only bad things to say and not even because I was lazy to make one but simply because the thought of expressing my truest feelings made me nervous. Am I the only one who feels like this? I find it really hard to tell people my feelings for them. I'm just not the type to write long letters and all. But she asked me so nicely and it was one of the few things she has ever asked from me, so there was no way I was not going to do it. So I went to Popular this evening, picked up a red paper, silver pen, black marker and I wasn't really planning to buy her a ready made card but I found this really cute card which was in the form of a certificate meant to certify your mom for being the best mom, So I had to get that, and then I went to McCafe, got my Mocha Frappe and sat there with my silver pen while staring blankly at the red paper.
Yeap...pretty much sat like that for half hour thinking how to start
Anyway, So I eventually started to write. I realized what holding me back was my fear of pouring out my emotions. So in order to start writing, I just had to get rid of that and just start writing using my heart. And once I started, I couldn't stop. I realized, I had so many things to say about her, thank her for, things I always wished to tell her. It took me down memory lane to when I was 4, 6, 10, 13, 16 and finally now when I'm 18 and reminded me of all the things she has ever done for me. The littlest of things that didn't really matter then but I realize it's worth now. I started crying while writing it (and it was so embarrassing because I was alone in public but whatever) I couldn't control myself. I got too emotional writing it because it reminded me how much I love my mom and how much she means to me and how much she has done for me. I guess this is why I don't like showing my emotions. I feel too much to the point I feel like I'll become vulnerable if I expose it. I know it's stupid but I can't help it. But today, I was glad I let it all out. I felt really good when I finished writing it. When I came back home and gave it to my mom, she started crying too when she read it and she said "This is my ultimate certificate" :') She was so happy, she said she'll keep that forever.
You know, at this age, most of us feel close to and can relate to anyone BUT our parents. We come back from school, go straight to our room, do our own work, eat dinner, shower and then sleep. Some days, we don't even get to talk to our parents except for an "I'm back" or "what's for dinner?" or "don't disturb me right now". We get irritated at every question they ask and some days we wish we could just live all by ourselves. But we forget that at the end of the day, when we will be at the most deepest depths of shits, we will turn to our parents because no matter how badly you screw up, they can never abandon you. It is only in those hopeless moments, we turn to our parents because somewhere at the back of our minds, we know they will miraculously solve the problems for you. Maybe that's why we take them for granted at times. Because we know at the end of the day, no matter how you treat them, when you need them, they will always be there.
But what if one day they aren't. Life is so damn uncertain. What if one day something happens to them and your pillar of support is gone. The person you thought will ALWAYS be there, isn't there anymore. No matter how much you cry, how much you wish they come back, how much you wish they listen to you and hug you again, they won't. Then what? The regret of never telling them how much you loved them or never appreciating them when they were there, or spending more time with them and making them happy, will kill you inside. And I realized that today. I don't want to live with that regret. I want to make anyone who is special to my life, know and show how much they mean to me. Next time, when I have the opportunity to show them my love, I will. And everyday as well.
Anyway, that is pretty much it about Mother's day and my epiphanies. I need to show you this really cute plaid dress I purchased from carousell again.
SO KEWTTTT!!! The seller who sold this to me was so sweet as well. She waited one hour for me even though she was in a rush because I told her I really wanted the dress. Her username on carousell is "assdemon". If you're a girl and you're interested, you could check out her listings. She sells pretty nice stuff and for really reasonable prices as well. I can't wait to wear this dress with my new shoes. I think the two will go pretty well. Like a cute preppy look.
Well that's pretty much it for today. Hell starts from tomorrow again. I tried to finish as much of my lit homework as I could since lit dominates tomorrow's time table and of course I cannot piss my really "sweet" and "understanding" teacher who loves me oh so much now can I -.- -.- -.-
Thank all the gods in the heaven for tuesday (the worst day of the week) is a holiday.
Well I should go and get some sleep now. Hope you guys have a nice week ahead :)
Goodnightttt
No comments:
Post a Comment